Okay, so in short, after talking with my therapist today and my life coach yesterday, micro changes are back on. (Yes, already.) But with a couple changes. I’m still keeping 4 of my original 6:
1) Set my alarm for 6:30. Changing to 6:15.
2) Drink a glass of water for every cup of coffee. Changing to two cups of water.
3) Order a medium latte from Starbucks instead of a large.
4) Buy a bottle of water from the checkout line instead of a soda.
…and modifying one…
5) Do 10 jumping jacks at every bathroom break. Changing to walking around the church no less than three times per day.
…and completely rehauling the last…
6) Maintain a weight-loss binder. While I feel that this could still be a great tool for me, it’s a waste of paper, unfortunately. Updating every week took at least 17 sheets of paper per week and was a lot of work. It was not, in fact, a micro-change, it was a mega-reorganizational-change and it was not working. So this has been deleted and will now be replaced by this:
6) Whenever I start to emotionally eat because of sadness, fear, or anxiety, I’m going to put my hand on wherever it hurts – usually my throat, chest, or belly – and tell myself, “Abigail, it’s going to be okay.” We’ll see if being able to self-soothe will allow me to be more aware of what I’m eating and more present while eating it, and not just emotionally bingeing.
And speaking of emotionally eating, I had The. Most. Amazing. Comfort Food last night. Know what the best part was? The entire meal was only 340 calories. I’m only one day 2 of following my meal plan through SparkPeople.com so I don’t know what next week will bring, but I can say I did NOT want to follow the meal plan last night. I made my toddler a grilled cheese sandwich and damn it, I wanted that grilled cheese sandwich!!!!! But being on only Day 1 of following my meal plan, I thought, “I cannot screw this up on the first day.”
So I made my meal of white rice, black beans, green beans, ginger, garlic, and olive oil. And blackberries on the side. And oh my word. I took one bite and was SO GLAD I FOLLOWED THE MEAL PLAN!! That first bite made me sit up straight and say, “Wait, this is comfort food. This can’t be healthy. This can’t be good for me.” But yes, folks, it can! Healthy food can be comforting and good for you! Who knew???
Which brings me to my final topic. Food is neither good, nor bad. Food is amoral, it is inanimate. Some foods help our goals, some foods hinder our goals. Some goals involve weight, some goals involve health, some goals involve chocolate. Instead of telling myself that “That macaroni and cheese is bad for you,” I’m going to say, “That macaroni and cheese does not help me achieve my goals right now.”
Think about it. Nobody bats an eye when a “skinny” person eats a brownie because, “They’ve earned it,” or “They can afford it,” or “They need some meat on their bones,” or whatever. But take note of that third one. The first two imply that the brownie is still bad for them, but it’s okay because they’re skinny. The last two actually implies that the brownie is GOOD for them!
Food is amoral. It is neither good, nor bad. It either will help your goals or hinder it. That’s part of why diets are so hard. With all the restrictions and plans and food you don’t like, it can often feel like your diet is controlling you. But food cannot control you! It is inanimate. I’m choosing to control my food, not let my food control me. If that means my meal plan calls for cashew butter, I’m going to replace it with peanut butter because I hate cashews. If that means my meal plan calls for fat-free sour cream, I’m going to replace it with low-fat or full-fat sour cream because I believe some fats are good for you.
So that’s it, that’s my soapbox for today.
New year. New me.
Originally posted on SparkPeople.com at https://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6329347
Brokenness in the Beauty 